Well, That Was Predictably Awk

Today I was lucky enough to again experience the awk that is The Office Birthday Party. The half-assed singing, the unnecessary standing around, the uncomfortable silence, the gross artificial cakes, the forced small talk. I actually asked my co-worker, "So, Tom, what projects are you working on?" (Who AM I?! I'm scared.) But today's little gathering was even more awk because it was the birthday of the boss man. For the picture he held the (cake-cutting) knife up like an axe murderer. No joke. I also broke the unnecessary standing bull shit by taking a seat at the far-end of the table--behind the fake tree. A few minutes later people followed suit allowing my anxiety level to drop significantly. I then witnessed conversations involving getting "destroyed this weekend" and how raisins really add a lot to cereal. Invigorating. But the most interesting event was the "alternative" vegan cake that was offered. (I even tried it, breaking my no-eating-in-front-of-coworkers-stance. It was actually good. Fiji would be proud.) Apparently the boss's favorite hobby is "healthy eating." Which I didn't know was a hobby, but, well, fine. Who am I to judge when my favorite hobby is documenting why I hate people. On the internets.