Friends listen to "Endless Love" in the dark all the time

I know that many slash most of you do not partake in the network soul mate matching that is The Bachelor/The Bachelorette, and for that I am still truly appalled, but something on last night's episode has disturbed my soul and I am unsure of how to proceed...in the LIVING of my LIFE. So, I thought I would be your very own life-ruiner and share. I'm nice like that.

So, it went a little like this...DeAnna goes on the home dates (where she visits the boys parents and stuff) and one of the dudes (who, if we're being honest, I think enjoys the boys a little more than he realizes, if you are picking up what I'm throwing down) has a kid. No biggie. But the dude, Jason, kisses his kid. No biggie. But he kisses him ON THE LIPS. Like, lips to lips. Kinda creepy. I mean, the kid is 4 or something, so whatever. FINE. DEWAI. But then, when they were at his parent's house and getting ready to leave, the whole ENTIRE family started like BAWLING. It made me very, very uncomfortable, even THROUGH the TV! I mean, that's great that they are all so close and everything and clearly they care about each other but COME ON. Get it TOGETHER here people. You are on network TELEVISION. But that is not even the awkwardest part!! (If you can even believe it!) When they were saying goodbye, the mom kissed the dude (competing for The Bachelorette's heart) ON THE LIPS. Mother-30 YEAR OLD Son mouth to mouth kisses are TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE. I mean, is DeAnna seriously falling in love with a man that kisses his mother ON THE MOUTH? What's next? Slipping a little TONGUE to grandma. I feel weird inside.

And then...

Want to hear something fun and awk? OK THEN. My boss just came into my office as I was writing in BOLD print on my calendar (for next Thursday!): "LAST DAY!!!! WOOHOO!!!!" Which he didn't appear to find too amusing. Then he informed me that we did NOT get funding on the first grant that we applied for. SUCK. And THEN he told me that my office would be empty all summer and that I was more than welcome to COME IN and WORK whenever I wanted to!! Yippee. Who DOESN'T want to work for FREE?! I mean, GEE WHIZ. And then he casually added that my phone will be turned off, so I will need to use my celly. Um, hello? IDC! I AM NOT COMING BACK!! Who does he think I AM? I don't love working THAT MUCH slash AT ALL.

So that happened.

Anyway, tomorrow I go home--sweet relaxation station home--to see the munchkins and play in the sand and get a tan and maybe plan my wedding and stuff. So that should be awesome to infinity. AND THEN Fiji is throwing my a pre-birthday party when I get back. OMG. I am celebrating my 30th year BEFORE I even turn 30! INSANO.

Because EVERYONE loves to read about someone else's dream

Last night I dreamt that I was taking a marathon prep class (like with desks and homework and crap) and Jessica Alba was one of my classmates. It probably goes without saying, but she and I became best friends. We were both planning our weddings and she was pregnant with twins (I was not). She was trying desperately to convince me that running a marathon was good for the twins' development, and apparently I was being a real stick-in-the-mud about the whole thing. Because clearly I CARED about her well-being and that of her unborn children. Anyway, this just goes to show how much reading Us Weekly at the airport can infiltrate your BRAIN. And also completely confuse you! I had it all mixed up! She already GOT married and had ONE child named Humor or something. No, no. Honor. Her child's name is Honor. And Angie's the one with twins! GAH. Silly dreaming Tilly. (Whoa.) (Guess I should've titled this one LAME ALERT.)

Wednesday Night: Play by Play (whoa PUN)(You will understand later)

Whewee! Last night was pretty eventful, if I don't say so myself. Which is a saying I never really understand because HELLO, you just SAID IT. Anyway. I met up with PhotoFace to look at pretty paper at the Paper Source and I just love that place SO much. Except last night, not so much. There were like 50 brides there picking out papers and everyone seemed to actually KNOW what they were doing and stuff and like HAVE A PLAN. Which was a little (slash a TON) intimidating because we were wandering around picking up random stickers and packs of paper and being all overwhelmed and stuff.

Then Photoface came up with the GENIUS idea to go get a beer and talk this through a bit. Did I mention she is a genius? Because she is. So on our stroll to get a well-needed and well-deserved drinky, we decided to stop in the Queen of All Shoe Stores and I kinda think I maybe kinda might've found my shoes. Like, my wedding shoes. Uh huh. Yep. So that happened. She basically made me buy them by carrying them around the whole time and talking about how awesome and perfect they are, but I'm glad she did. I have been searching and searching for these particular shoes in my head that I am growing more and more convinced do not exist (a pretty green, flat, peep-toe with a flower or something ladylike--because I am a LADY). SO. They are not green and they are not peep-toe, but they are definitely unique and pretty and they were on sale for $35. Done and DON.

THEN. We finally made it to the drinking hole and pretty much came up with an ENTIRE NEW INVITATION IDEA. The CAPS are totally and completely necessary because that is how exciting it was and still is. THEN I get a call from a little fairy godfather who offers me 4 Cubs tickets for the game that was starting in about an hour and I actually debated whether or not I should take them for about 17.7 seconds and then I said to myself, "SELF you are an IDIOT. Take the tickets RIGHT NOW." So I did and then we went and then it was awesome and then the boys met up with us after their yoga retreat and then I had a kosher dog the size of my left arm and it was delicious and then we won and then we sang and danced to the Cubs song and then we went home.

True double true.
The end.

p.s. Please excuse the blatant tense issues in this post. I mean, you are probably pretty used to it from me by now, but still. Sorry.

Maryjuhwahna Into Your Brain

After weeks of not drinking regular coffee (a.k.a. devil juice), I had some this morning because I have not been able to "wake up" since Saturday morning. Seriously. Not sure what is going on in this crazy lady body of mine, but I'm barely living. It's weird but it's my life. Anyway, the caffeine and I are now like mortal enemies. We used to be bestests, but now I'd say we're haters. I feel like a jittery mess and I can't quite seem to focus on any one thing for more than two seconds. Which is ideal when you are trying to write a research paper. No, really. It's pretty awesome.

In other news, I have found several interesting jobs to apply to except that I haven't been able to bring myself to apply to any of them. IDK (my BFF Rose) why, but it's like something is preventing me from taking any action. And when I say "something" I most likely mean "ME." Maybe it's that lurking fear of eventually hating yet another job. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Why can't I just find something in my field that I enjoy? I don't think I've ever really truly enjoyed any of the jobs that I have held. Which is a LOT. I mean, maybe I liked my job as a ticket scanner at the base of Breckenridge mountain. MAYBE. I think the only reason that job was slightly manageable was because I was probably stoned the whole time. And when I say "probably" I mean "definitely." So there's THAT.

Someone pass the reefer.

So this one time, I freaked out...

And then I took a mental health day. Because that is what you do when you are very nearly almost unemployed. It's just what NORMAL people do. Like me. Me and normal people are like ONE AND THE SAME.

I counted and I have 11 days left here. 11 life-ruining, soul-sucking, bone-crushing days. Eleven. What with all the vacation days I plan to take between now and June 30. I really should look into a job that is not dependent on fickle little grants and such. But then again, where's the adventure in that?! Missing I tell ya. MISSING.

So, yeah. Instead of viewing this as a period of "unemployment," I'm opting for "summer break." Yep. I'm on summer break. Jealous? I know I would be, if only I could stop FREAKING OUT about it. I just don't know how to be relaxed and calm about not having a job. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that even means. I don't know how NOT to work. Oh yeah, and that whole pay check thing. THAT. My concern is clearly displayed in the fact that I have applied to a whopping ONE job. Yup. I am really on top of this finding a new job thing. However, I do have the age-old excuse that I am in school. Granted it's one class, once a week but WHATEVER. Who's counting?

Now, who wants to go to the beach like every day next month?

Yessssssssssssssssss.